The English Teacher

Like weeds
May 15, 2007, 7:46 pm
Filed under: Daily Life

At the beginning of the year, some of the more experienced teachers were reminiscing about the students they had.  Some of them were commiserating with me since I mostly had a ninth grade prep.  A comment one teacher made about students suddenly shooting up and growing taller popped into my head the other day when one of my students turned around to see me standing next to him and he said, “Oh my God!  I’m taller than my teacher!”  I looked up (literally) and felt a quiet shock.  When this guy came in to my classroom in August, he was a little pudgy kid with a quirky sense of humor.  Now, he is a taller pudgy kid with a quirky sense of humor.  I surreptitiously looked around the classroom and noticed that most of the boys were, indeed, much taller than I.  For some reason, this realization made me a little sad inside. 


I may need a day off. Soon.
May 4, 2007, 8:25 pm
Filed under: Daily Life

I can feel it.  The mental breakdown is coming.  It’s getting much more difficult for me to contain myself and be really happy with my classes.  Part of it, I believe, is due to the fact that the school year is almost over and I, like all of the students, am straining to get out of here.  The other, larger, issue is my own personality and inability to roll with the punches.  Some of my students are grade-A pains in the ass and I’m having more trouble dealing with their shit.  Today, I literally threatened one ofmy students with bodily harm if he disrupted class.  I seriously told him that I would kill him if he got out of line.  I told another student in the same class that the thing that separated him from his peers is that everyone had a future ahead of him/her while he had none.  What the hell kind of teacher am I?  Whenever I say things like that, I regret it immediately.  I need to do some quality control in my head, but when I’m constantly being goaded, I can’t stop myself.  Petty, vindictive, and cruel, I know.  I’m not trying to excuse myself.  Even I think I’m acting very shittily towards my students and I’m positive they know that I’m very fed up with them.  It’s so hard; I feel like I’m going to fly into millions of pieces and scatter everywhere.